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Welcome back, one and all, to part 2 of my Xmas Drinks Spectacular! Hopefully your hangovers weren't all THAT bad and you're ready for some more drinkin'.
Unless you're straightedge, in which case I have absolutely no use for you...pantywaist.
Or, alternatively, you're pregnant. Luckily the only person I know who's pregnant is Gail, so the rest of you can feel free to get drunk as fuck. And BTW Gail, if you end up having a boy, might I persuade you to consider naming him Philippe? It's a good name that the ladies will find sexy and exotic. Am I right, ladies?
Anyway. Yes! Xmas! Cold drinks! We've got two really good ones for you, so get ready.
We're going to start off with a doozy of a drink, so get your pencils out and your credit cards ready for a beating at the liquor store.
 This Recipe comes all the way from Sweden, from the Sjömagasinet restaurant in Gothenburg.
Something deliciously evil called Mumma.
Here's what you need:
1.5 pints of lager
2 shots of gin
2 shots of Madeira wine or red port wine
3 shots of really dark stout ale
2 shots of cola
2 shots of porter ale
1 shot tonic water
2 shots ginger ale
Stir in a large pitcher.
Serve in large wine or cognac glasses
Sjömagasinet says that this is the perfect thing to serve with pickled herring, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Swedish people are off of their fucking rockers. Still, the drink is good IMHO. Good and very, very strong. When I made the recipe I replaced the gin with vodka, but that's because I hate gin. Feel free to keep it, though.
Next up on the list we have a classic, certainly amongst the TTA crew. A little something that we like to call Xtreme Xmas Eggnog.
 Here's what you need:
One quart cream
Yolks of 3 eggs
5 tsp granulated sugar
7 wine glasses of whiskey
1 wine glass of rum
Whisk the egg yolks until they're all mixed nicely, then start adding the sugar. Then start adding the massive amount of alcohol. While you're doing that, someone should be whisking the cream 'til it gets all frothy and fun. Then slowly add the cream into the whole shebang. Put it in the fridge to cool for a while, and serve. Or, you know, wrestle in it.
And that's about the end of that. I hope that these recipes help you get through a lot of awkward conversations with family, or maybe get you laid at the office Xmas party. Merry Christmas!
Note that these drinks are also acceptable as Chanukah drinks and Kwanzaa, and Yule, and Solstice, etc. Happy each one of those as well!
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