Ahh well. Why not?
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the long awaited review of Black Girls Going XXXtra Crazy Beyond Lovers Caught on Tape vol. 1 and 2.
Damn. Just damn.
But first, a little backstory.
After many many moons, under different states and different night skies, I recently and finally found myself on board a train for New York City. No more working terrible hours in Maine, no more weddings, no more visiting relatives, nothing. I have nothing to do until DAAAMN II (well, admittedly, I have to find a new job but I'm glossing over that).
So, the train arrived in the city at 34th street and I got above ground to walk the two blocks to the Q line. As I left the station, I was greeted by the sight of a hundred cops and teams of camera crews, all directly blocking the easy way to get to my subway home. I sauntered up to someone who seemed to be in the know and asked what all the nonsense was about.
He responded simply with "You don't know? It's Madonna's baby!"
I was unaware that she was still news, and realizing that I'd have to walk an extra two blocks to get to my train, breathed a silent "fuck you" to the decrepit pop star and started walking the long away around MSG. Right afterwards, though, I felt happy because I finally had a reason for hating Madonna. I mean, she lives in the damn city, why does it matter if she's in the lower east side? Fuck Madonna and fuck her fans. Fuck them up their stupid asses! I'm just so filled with rage right now!
Anyway, as I'm walking I heard a megaphone telling me that virtually everything in a particular store had to go. Being an inquisitive chap, I inquired to the man with the megaphone exactly what had to go.
How could I not go in? After perusing the fine DVD selection I stumbled across Black Girls Going XXXtra Crazy Beyond Lovers Caught on Tape vol. 1 and 2. The picture on the DVD showed a rather large ghetto booty with a bottle of Goldschlager stuffed inside. It took me a few minutes to figure out whether or not I could justify spending five dollars for Black Girls Going XXXtra Crazy Beyond Lovers Caught on Tape vol. 1 and 2, but then I remembered...
"I have a website where we review shit!"
If nothing else comes from Team Totally Awesome it will be that thought. I have every reason to buy Black Girls Going XXXtra Crazy Beyond Lovers Caught on Tape vol. 1 and 2 other than the rather obvious reason of wanting to own a DVD with a woman fucking a bottle of Goldschlager (and the boobsquad, of course).
I got it home, reluctantly gathered up the roommates, grabbed a beer, and waited for the wonder of it all.
I'm sort of thumbs down, actually. Poor lighting, terrible sound, and the worst poon seen since forum member killthisbody had his horrible little adventure. I hate this DVD (though not as much as Madonna), so no keeping it in my room for when I need a little something extra.
I decided to display the box set prominently near the TV, so that hopefully it offends someone someday. I'm also considering drinking the rest of the beer that I bought to try and rinse the horrible memory of this god-forsaken video from my mind forever.
Thumbs down for Black Girls Going XXXtra Crazy Beyond Lovers Caught on Tape vol. 1 and 2...way down.