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A very poor review of The Chronicles of Riddick

Author: Tony
Posted: 22 Jun 2004

Since my 22nd birthday, I have lived a sad life without Vin Diesel. Thankfully, I have managed to survive another year to see him reprise his role as Riddick from "Pitch Black." Let me take you by the hand, and guide you through the land of whimsy that Mr. Diesel has brought us this time.

The film, aptly named "The Chronicles of Riddick," takes place five years after "Pitch Black" ended. Riddick is living on an ice world to avoid being hunted, and...

Look. As much as I loved this movie, it can essentially be summed as "Riddick saves the universe." That's that. It contains absolutely no original thought whatsoever. Those familar with sci-fi and adventure films will see scenes directly ripped out of "Dune," "Aliens," and the classic "Conan" films. The basic plot is that of a dead horse that's been beaten so badly it's no longer recognizable as a horse, more of a puddle of mush.

And yet the movie was so awesome it nearly defies words. The costume design was excellent, the dialogue was at times sharp and witty but basic enough such that even if one hadn't seen "Pitch Black" there was no problem accepting "Chronicles" as a stand-alone film, with the nagging exception of characters from the first movie playing key roles.

This review is going nowhere and it's going there fast.

Look. I really advise seeing "Chronicles of Riddick." While not the best film in the Diesel catalogue, it's extremely entertaining, and the cheese factor is enough to make any sci-fi fan giggle in his seat. That, combined with a hot leading female role, should be enough to sell you. If it's not, keep in mind this: women love Vin Diesel, so groups of girls at the film is almost guaranteed. Large-scale explosions, violence, and gaggles of vapid hoes? What more does a TTA fan really want?

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