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Philippe's review of the NYC Apple Store

Author: Philippe
Posted: 11 Nov 2005

Philippe visits the Apple Store.

I think I remain the only person on Team Totally Awesome who uses a Macintosh. For the most part, in fact, I'm the only person I know who owns a Mac. However, there may be one or two of you out in the Awesomeverse that also have Macs, so behold: my review of the NYC Apple Store!

What a lot of people don't know about Macs is that it's sometimes hard to do...what are they called...upgrades. It's also tricky to find programs, emulators, and viruses that work with my system.

Today's problem has something to do with Random Access Memory. I need more of it and, having exhausted all the stores I could think of checking in Lower Manhattan, I decided that the one place I could find memory was going to be the big daddy of em' all: the Apple Store itself.

I walked in and at first thought the store was beautiful. A giant glass staircase led me up to a movie theater of sorts where people could watch demos of how to make their Mac work. "This is excellent," I thought, "these here are my peeps!" There was nice sound and some crisp graphics on the screen.

Upon closer inspection, it seemed to be a seminar on how to use iTunes. People were taking notes. "Maybe these aren't my peeps after all," I thought. iTunes is one of the easier things in the world to use. These people seemed to have bought rather heavy books. Hmm. Best not to think about it.

I headed off for a section called Hardware and the hunt for more memory was on.

Right, then. iPods...pastel iPods...iPod accessories, new and expensive laptops, and, oh, another section for iPods. Ermmm.

Thinking that I may have just been lost in the wonder of it all, I went looking for help. There was a cute, punk rock, security guard that looked like she wanted to help me.

"Hi, I'm wondering if I can ask a question?" I said.

"No problem, sir, let me call a Genius to help you" was her somewhat-confusing remark. She then called out for a Genius on her radio.

I thought about that a little bit while I waited for this person to arrive. "Why would a genius be working at a retail store in Soho?" I thought.

A Genius finally winged its way over to me, and I proceeded to tell him exactly what I needed.

"Do you want to bring your computer in?" he asked me.

"Not even a little bit. What I'd like is for you to give me memory and I'll do it," I replied.

"If you brought it in, a Genius could work on it," he explained.

"Look, I'm perfectly capable of putting memory in my computer."

"If a Genius did it..." (By the way, I'm not making this part up. The word "genius" had to have escaped this guy's lips half a dozen times) "If a Genius did it, then it would be covered by a warranty," he explained.

"Look, I just want the memory and for you to please stop saying the word 'genius.'"

"We don't sell RAM for your computer."

That one thew me. The Apple Store does not carry memory for my Macintosh? I asked where I might get some. He quickly replied that I should try CompUSA. See, this is why I like stores that work on a commission basis. I think that he just didn't want to go down to the storage room and find me my product. It was confusing to him because it was not iPod-related.

These people were not geniuses at all. There were little, telling hints. A sort of squint in the eyes. Some drooling. The word "dumbass" comes to mind, actually.

In any case, I'm going to give the Apple Store a giant thumbs down. 10 out of 10 for decorations, but minus several million for not actually selling parts for...oh, I don't know, a Macintosh.

Avoid if possible.

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