Team Totally Awesome
Opinion/Editorial Reviews Humor Vice Advice Boobsquad Forums

Nextel is ruining my inner peace

Author: Johnson
Posted: 08 Aug 2004

Some of you might recall my recent, albeit brief, rant in the forums, Attention jackasses with Nextel phones. Well, I've about had it. You'd think that that was enough notice. However, I've been proven wrong. In fact, it seems to have acted as a call-to-arms for said jackasses.

My company, which is located on the fourth floor of our building, is currently expanding to the unused fifth floor. This means we've had people in our office running network and phone cable across the ceiling tiles overhead. Now, normally, this isn't too much of a distraction. Add to it that they're all communicating to each other with two-way Nextel phones, though, and I'm about to snap. Literally. I wanted to reach out and push over a ladder recently. On top of that, some dude who's been consulting with our Systems guys about an impending Exchange 2003 rollout likes to sit in the server room and two-way people all day long. You'd think I wouldn't be able to hear it, as it's around the corner and in a room full of fans and noise, even while wearing headphones, but it pervades to the very core of my being. this afternoon, actually, I was standing in line at Taco Bell at the mall and the fuckstain behind me was babbling on and on and on with someone, that godawful, shrill noise punctuating every useless thing he had to say. It's a phone, you goddamned asshat. If you want to talk to someone, make a motherfucking phone call.

I noticed that this gentleman's phone was all sporty and coated in some protective rubber casing. Nextel must be onto my plot to start throwing their phones across the room or smashing them with my trusty cellphone hammer.

I hear it sitting in the car, be it the asshole in traffic next to me or behind me or wherever. They're everywhere.

Seriously, I can't go anywhere without hearing it over and over and over again like a death knell. Not my death, though. Not the death of my sanity, I assure you. It calls out for me to drive the phone deep into the conversant's skull. Deep, deeper, until it separates the brain stem from whatever fatty tissue it's connected to.

I hope I've made my message clear.

Cut that shit out or I'll snap and I'll take you all down with me.

I'm not kidding.

 ·  None posted

  · site updates
  · exclusives
  · previews
Video Game Reviews - Insult Swordfighting
Landing Party Records
Mitch Krpata's Video Game Reviews - Boston Phoenix
MAGGERific Designs
Only Paper Dolls
Morphine Nation
More pimpin'...
All text, images, and design ©2003-2018 Team Totally Awesome unless otherwise noted