We at Team Totally Awesome sometimes find ourselves in an odd position. Should we report on the things that "normal" people find acceptable? Or should we sometimes venture into the darker realms of humanity? The majority of the public isn't prepared for some of the risque things that I'm about to divulge. I feel, however, that if there's a story, then you, our TTA readership, are mature enough to take it in stride. Thus, I feel that today we should venture into unknown territory and talk about a subject which makes most people feel slightly uneasy.
Yes, gentle readers, today we talk about incest.
Now, incest is a taboo subject in our culture. Many people believe that it's damaging to everyone involved in the sex act. There seem to be studies to back this up; however, incest doesn't always have to be damaging or bad. How does one know the difference, though? Why, a trip to the Magical Sex School should give us the answers we need.
Lets take a look at some examples and see what (if any) forms of incest are acceptable.
1. Hot twin sisters from Norway (or anywhere, really) who are doing it for the explicit purposes of making pornography.
The reason this is good is because, while it may be damaging to the people involved (like all porn when you get right down to it), it affords the viewing public the chance to see hot twin sisters from Norway getting it on.
2. Brothers of any level of...hotness...doing it.
3. A mother/daughter combo involving the daughter's boyfriend and/or a rock star.
This is good for everyone involved except for the mom and daughter, unless they really love each other. It's especially good for the boyfriend and/or rock star because once the weirdness sets in, he can always feel free to get out of the relationship tout de suite.
4. Anything involving a Grandparent.
She's my daughter, she's my aunt...she's my daughter and my aunt!
5. Kissing Cousins.
a. First Cousins -- You'll probably get caught and wouldn't that be embarrassing.
b. Second Cousins -- We all gotta learn sometime, but why not do something legal?
c. Third Cousins -- I'm pretty sure this actually is legal. Added bonus of keeping the money in the family.
Verdict: MOSTLY UNACCEPTABLE.
Q: But what if they're identical cousins, like on that crazy Patty Duke show?
A: First cousins, identical, girls -- see 1.
6. Aunts and Uncles
I shouldn't even need to explain this one.
Q: What if it's on your parents' bed, though?
Verdict: even more UNACCEPTABLE.
Q: What if she's your aunt and your daughter?
A: Well, I suppose the family is more or less fucked at this point, anyway, so if she's hot...
7. What if you and your sister get your father drunk on wine and then when he's passed out fuck him so you can bear his children?
Good example, though I'm not quite sure about this one. Let us turn to the Bible for guidance.
Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
1. What is incest?
It's when you bang a relative
2. Is it illegal?
Oh, you'd better believe it, but then again so is anal. In most states, blowjobs are illegal, as well. In fact, in Massachusetts it's only legal to have sex with a spouse, at night, in your bed, with the intent of making children, so we might as well blow off the whole illegal thing.
3. What the hell goes through your mind, Philippe? Why would you write something like this?
Incest is inherently funny.
4. Are you sure?
5. You're wrong. Fuck you.
6. No, seriously, what the hell?
I'm so fucking drunk.
7. Is that Bible thing accurate?
Yes, Gail. Feel free to look it up.