Team Totally Awesome
Opinion/Editorial Reviews Humor Vice Advice Boobsquad Forums

Girlfriend 4: On how I spent my Thanksgiving

Author: Philippe
Posted: 07 Dec 2004

Ok, so this one's a doozy. But you all love my girlfriend stories so it's worth it. I swear it is! Right. So, from the top.

I liked a girl from Texas. Actually, that should pretty much cover all the bases. I should be able to just say that I was involved with a girl from Texas and everyone would just kind of sigh and say "Poor, stupid Philippe. He brings it on himself and it's a shame." That could easily be the end of it. But since you're here anyway...

I liked a girl from Texas. Now, this girl was in no way a girlfriend. We were essentially long-distance and glorified fuck buddies. Glorified because we talked on the phone every night for about 8 months. Not with pining and promises of love, mind you. More because we happened to like talking on the phone.

http://www.lifesmarts.org/2002sun.htmlThe girl, who we'll call Tex from here on out (See, she's from Texas. I'm original...you love me. Actually, I'm not all THAT original. I just write about the fucked-up things that happen to me. No creativity necessary.). Anyway, Tex came out to visit me in NY, and that was fun. I felt somewhat obligated to visit her back, so I ask her if I can, and we make plans for me to come to visit her on her birthday. Her birthday happened to fall on Thanksgiving (this is an important fact to remember as it comes into play later in the story).

Now, I'm generally hesitant about girls who I think are great. So after making plans, I proceeded to not buy tickets for a good long while. In fact, I didn't buy them until two weeks before I left. She's excited about me coming. That's great. At this point, I would normally start thinking of an exit strategy. However, due to her living in Texas, I feel that none is required.

I fly to Texas and spend about 500 dollars and 13 hours of travel time to do so. I'm tired and grumpy, but hey, I'm with this great girl whom I care about.

Tex has no car, so at the last minute, she got her mom to drive the three hours to San Antonio to pick me up. Her mom knows who I am. Her mom has seen this website. In fact, so has most of the family. They are concerned. Texas Baptists apparently don't think the Boobsquad is the greatest thing ever. They also read the drug articles and anything else I wrote. Lord.

http://www.grantwood-redcross.org/disaster.htmWe start driving back to San Angelo. Halfway into the trip, Tex decides to tell me that she met someone else.

Wait, what? Yes, read that again. She met someone else. Which is fine. We're just friends, but I have to ask...if you've met someone else than why the fuck am I in Texas? She tries to console me.

"I'm sorry, Philippe. It just happened. but we can still cuddle and make out if you want."

What?! Damnit. Why am I in Texas? no one has answered the question. She asks if we can still be friends. I tell her that it would be easier if she had let me know before I went out there. That way, I could be in the Valley with any number of much hotter girls where, when in a situation where you have a fuck buddy then start dating someone else, you just tell the person. It's no big deal. These things happen and I'm happy for them. But right now I'm in Texas. I gave up a Gameboy DS for this! Damnit.

We arrive in her town. I meet her grandparents who think I'm great. I'm feeling odd. Finally, we get to her house and she leaves to go get her haircut. I call the airline and figure out how best to leave and how quickly I can do so...

There are no flights for four days. Because. It's. Thanksgiving. To get home, it will cost a further 600 dollars at least.

So I'm trapped in the middle of hostile territory with what seems to be a girl who's just broken up with me. Despite the evidence present that proves we were not, in fact, dating. Not only that, but for the next four days, I have to put on a happy face and go to a bunch of Thanksgiving gatherings with a family who I will never see again.

(Actually that's too bad. Tex's family was awesome and, in fact, when they found out what their girl had done, apparently yelled at her. So did her roommates.)

The first day was odd.

The sex was terrible that night, as I wasn't even coming close to actually trying to make her happy. Yes, you read that right btw. She crawled into bed with me and climbed on top of me, and confused me more.

http://www.lovingyou.com/content/singles/content.shtml?ART=onlinebreakupI have no idea who she's dating, but it can't be that rock-hard of a relationship. I don't understand women. Anyway, that's day one. The following is the rest of the days' events.

Day 2. Thanksgiving dinner #1. 2 hours with a family that isn't mine.

Day 3. Thanksgiving dinner #2. I meet Tex's uncle who got shot in the head once. A further bunch of hours with the family. I listen to people talk about modern farming techniques. I talk a lot and generally impress the family.

Day 4. We go out to a club. I hang out in the karaoke bar and drink Red Bull and vodka and like 6 shots from the shot lady who's hanging around. Tex tells me that I can tell my friends we've been having sex but please don't put it on the website. I say I'll think about it. I have. It's here. I feel that leaving out essential pieces of information is how we got to this whole "I hate chicks from Texas and am quite done with them forever" position. I don't want to repeat any mistakes.

Day 5. This week has sucked. Tex is also weirdly clingy and affectionate. I just play along and I don't know why. The sex continues to be terrible and I don't know why we're even bothering.

Day 6. I catch a cold from Tex's roommate. I hang out with the roommate all day. The roommate is super hot and single. Why can't I be fucking her instead of Tex?

Day 7. My last night in Texas. Tex's mom picks me up to bring me to the airport. We go out and get drunk on tequila and Margaritas. I complain to her about her daughter. She laughs and agrees.

And that's pretty much it. End of story. I don't understand her, but at least I don't have to talk to her anymore. Luckily, I wasn't anywhere near close enough to her that I'll have to keep in touch. So thank you, Tex, for ruining Thanksgiving and costing me a Gameboy. That was swell.

 ·  None posted

Subscribe!
  · site updates
  · exclusives
  · previews
Mitch Krpata's Video Game Reviews - Boston Phoenix
Video Game Reviews - Insult Swordfighting
Morphine Nation
Only Paper Dolls
Landing Party Records
The Pop Cult
newmoanyeah
More pimpin'...
All text, images, and design ©2003-2017 Team Totally Awesome unless otherwise noted