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Fantasy games are destroying our nation's youth!

Author: Philippe
Posted: 14 May 2004

That's right, readers, destroying. With the popularity of films like Pirates of the Caribbean and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, plus video games like Everquest and the soon-to-be-released World of Warcraft, more and more of today's youths are being sucked down into a fantasy world from which they cannot escape.

More and more often in my home city of Brooklyn you can see it. Guns are being traded in for Vorpal Daggers with a +8 against Orcs. Regular switchblades are falling to the ground as the criminals reach for jewel-encrusted Axes of Infinite Justice.

Instead of sports jerseys and fine clothing from Tommy Hillfiger, we're seeing robes made from dragon scale and chain mail.

"I'm scared to even leave my house," said Mary Johanna of 291 Westminster Rd in Brooklyn. "Late at night all you can hear are the clanging of swords and people casting fireballs at one another."

Another Brooklyn resident, Andrew Dancoe of 23B Third Ave, had this to say. "In my day Priests went to church and preached, now it seems that kids who want to be priests just want to learn "mind control" and "shadow words." It's an outrage!"

But many kids are defending the games and the fantasy genre in general. Tyler, a seventh grader at 4th Street School, says, "It's not like we're actually killing people. If you stab someone they just reappear at the bind post at Cortelyou St. Station. Besides," he went on to say, "fireballs are cool. As soon as I'm old enough I'm gonna totally get my skin tattooed blue. Just like a troll."

Well, I may be "Old Fashioned," readers, but I just don't think Fireballs are that "cool." When the founding fathers wrote the second amendment, they were intending us to use guns, not Giant Hammers or Bows and Arrows, or whatever, and they certainly didn't intend for people to wander around the streets on horseback with a giant pet bear nearby.

I implore you, dear readers, to write to congress with your concerns about this, before it's too late!

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