Posted: 29 Jan 2005
[Jon has clearly put a lot of thought into his plans for improving his performance in 2005. He is truly a valuable employee. Read on. --Tyler]
Hey guys, can you check over my objevtices for me? Thanks.
Objevtice #1: Learn how to spell “Objective”.
Objevtice #2: Be more awesome. While this may seem impossible (and I assure you that it is as close to impossible as you can get), my awesomeness level has been hovering at about 300% for a few months now. Getting laid will cause this percentage to skyrocket to 500%, with the added bonus that I get laid.
Objevtice #3: Kill a man with my bare hands. Preferably a stranger wearing a funny hat.
Objevtice #4: Find the real me.
Objevtice #5: Go through an entire week pretending to be blind, deaf, and dumb.
Objevtice #6: Go to sleep without crying for hours on end.