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Holy shit, an advice request

Author: Team Totally Awesome
Posted: 26 May 2006

Pigs can have orgasms that last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.
Pigs, however, do not necessarily give a shit because they don't really enjoy sex and would much prefer to roll around in the mud.
Does this bother you?

-- Supa Trooper


To correct an age-old misconception, and reiterate what Jules Winnfield once said, pigs are clean animals. They roll around in the mud to cool off, just as your pet dog would if given the chance, and because people don't clean their sties. It's an ongoing problem in the pig world. I used to take care of pigs; I know these things.

What I really want to know, though, is how in hell you know that pigs "don't really enjoy sex."

Not really, because I had truly ridiculous sex just last night. Go piggies!

Fuck, man. This doesn't make any sense. It's hard enough to understand the subtle insanity of women without bringing animals into it. Plus, how do you know that the pigs don't enjoy it?

Dan Savage gets real questions. Ours stopped making sense so long ago that it isn't funny. And damn, when's the last time we had a new member of the Boobsquad? Now, granted, I know we almost never update the site anymore. Because I haven't written anything in a while. Does anyone still check in? I had considered, for a while, paying people to write articles, but I think they'd end up all crappy. Plus I don't have tons of money. I still like this thing, though. I think it's still an idea with Merit. And hey -- have we put up pictures of Tyler's wedding yet? There's an article right there. Plus, I'm almost done with two video game articles and, as soon as Tony sends me the pictures from NYC, we'll have two shot articles as well. But this pig sex thing sucks. Bad.

You know, I honestly try. I go out with girls. I go to brunch and get drinks and even sleep with people from time to time. It never amounts to anything, though. I don't even think I want it to. I don't like the people in this city. Remember that blonde jackass from Angels to Demons or whatever that band was? With Simonne in it? Everyone's like him in this city. Jackasserie abounds. And you know what else I hate?

These god awful chicks from OKCupid. So take your pig sex you half-mad, half-insane maniac and creep back to the rancid pit of hell that you crawled out of. Crawl back and never return.

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