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Wishy-washy dudes don't get chicks

Author: Team Totally Awesome
Posted: 10 Dec 2004

Alright's the situation:

So this guy, lets call him, The Proctor, used to work in the library here at good ol' HCC. I had a huge schoolgirl crush on him, and then I found out he had a girlfriend, so I stopped flirting and became his friend. Anyhow, hadn't seen him in an age, and saw him and his lady at the Pixies show the other night. He gave a half hug, and said we should have coffee sometime...all normal enough, right?

Well okay, here's the fucked up part. I go to a party Saturday night, and there he is -minus one girlfriend- "she's stayed in for the night", and he offers to give me a ride home. All is friendly, not even picking up on any flirting vibes from the past, and then when I lean over to hug him, he goes in for the kiss. Not just A kiss, but many...kisses. So I know making out is pretty basic and people just go back to being friends after, but he said a whole bunch of shit like "I've been wanting to kiss you for a year..." and "you're as much trouble as I thought you'd be..." and "I hope this isn't the last time I kiss you" and "does this mean I can sneak kisses from you at school...", etc., etc. Plus he's all deep eye-gazing, and touching my hair and face and whatnot. The romantic crap that comes before the humping, you know.

Anyhow, he says he'll e-mail, he doesn't, but I run into him on campus, all seems to be going well, but it was just all small talk! No mention of hanging out, no dragging me into a dark corner, not even a sneaky look or sparkle in the goddamn eye! Just "where you headed? English? Well. Bye. (half hug)".

So what i'm asking is: What the hell is up with this guy? And what the hell should I do about it, if anything?

-- Confused

What to do depends on what you want from the guy. Do you want an affair, a relationship, or nothing?

The relationship is a bad idea. The guy has proven that he'd get drunk and cheat on you if given the chance.

The affair is also a bit tricky. He's already said that "I knew you'd be trouble." To me that means he's fine being drunk and getting it on, however in the morning, it'd all be your fault for being "trouble." If the girlfriend found out and dumped him that would also be your fault.

Friendship or nothing? The guy's a douche who wanted a little booty behind his girlfriend's back. If you want a little booty then by all means go for it. If not, then stop talking to the guy. He's just an idiot who wanted sex outside of the relationship.

You're apparently way too overwhelming for this guy. Either that or he was drunk as hell when he saw you, in which case you should thank your lucky stars you're not wrapped around a telephone pole right now.

If someone says something like "you're as much trouble as I thought you'd be," perhaps you should just cool it. Do you consume man after broken man until there's nothing left? Being a maneater is fun and all, just ask Hall and Oates. It's lonely at the top of the food chain, though -- trust me. Why not be single for a while? And I don't mean "be non-commital but fall in love every other day for a while," I mean be single for a while.

Aim for a dry spell. It does wonders for the mind's clarity, and then you'd know just what to do with this toolbag.

My advice to you is to say the hell with this guy. Limp wristed fucks who pull this sort of shit should have their pants pulled down and be spanked with moonrocks.

Hook up with me instead.

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